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Waiting For Superman

My Journal

2/15/14


Today I don't want to be introspective. I want to just be superficial, which is kind of different for me, not in an arrogant way, just in a factual way. I thought it was interesting when I read an article about a guy who decided to follow Ben Franklin's schedule for a day. Ben left time for study and to deal with spiritual things. The author said he almost never did that, and it was an interesting thing for him to do. Thinking about big things like God and purpose and why we are here and doing research into those questions is something I grew up doing and something I do all the time. How can you not wonder about that? How can you just go through life and just go to work, come home, be with your someone, party sometimes and that is it. That is satisfying? Really? Don't you wonder about things as a whole? Don't you wonder why we are here or how, or do you just take science's or God's word for it and leave it at that. I guess in a way you could have more of your emotional energy available to fritter away on personal drama. That might be interesting. I know it is kind of a weight on me to wonder about my, and our purpose, to wonder what or who else is out there, and it is a huge itch I am just dying to scratch to see everything as it really is. I used to think I would just go to heaven and God would explain it all to me and I could live with that. Now I am not so sure I will ever know, and ugh, that is annoying.

But to live without that burden, to me is to live in a closet. To live in the small world of what I see now. I just need to get out into the air and breath and wonder, and make wild guesses and hope. So with that comes the burden of what I don't know, of making choices and just not knowing if they are the right ones because I can't have all the information. I can't see past death or into the new millennium, so I have to make some of my best guesses blind.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Native American Childhood



Many months ago I read a fascinating book called American Childhoods by Joseph E. Illick. He looked at childhood from a variety of walks of American historical life. The book prompted me to think about many aspects of childrearing and I want to share some of my thoughts, beginning with thoughts on the first chapter about Native American Childhood.

Quote from explorer Charlevoix, page 9: “The children of the Indians after leaving off the use of the cradle, are under no sort of confinement, and as soon as they are able to crawl about on hands and feet are suffered to go stark naked where-ever they have a mind, through woods, water, mire and snow; which gives them strength and agility, and fortifies them against the injuries of the air and weather...In the summer time they run the moment they get up to the next river or lake, where they remain a great part of the day playing.”

One of the aspects of Native American childrearing that most impressed me was the period after age three when they were weaned and let loose in the world. I can’t imagine, in my busy suburban neighborhood allowing my three or five year old to wander freely, naked in all weather. For one thing the traffic would surely do him in , But beside that the expectation of society would result in my child being taken from me.
When I think of open country with space to roam and a lack of monstrous vehicles driven by careless people I can imagine the joy and education of children romping to the nearby lake. The Indians understood that children’s work was play and they consented not to hinder it.
The lack of clothing in cold or heat is also fascinating to me. Their aim was to toughen up their children and some have theorized this attitude led to an active healthy lifestyle even into old age. I think of the pains we American suburban parents go to to ease our children's discomfort in cold and hot weather. “Wear your mittens, and jacket” or “Don’t be out in the sun too much” we might say. Understandably some of these activities like drinking lots of water in sunshine and sunscreen are common sense reactions to advances in health care and science. But another thing science has taught us is that cold weather does not cause illness. Maybe our children should be allowed to go without a hat if they wish or wear shorts when it’s 50 degrees. It seems to me very likely the greatest injury that may occur is the odd glances that others in society would give us because of the widespread norm that children should be kept from our version of discomfort even when they insist on it.
It seems the Native American childrearing response stemmed from a knowledge of the demands of their environment rather than layers of superficial expectation as we are constrained by today.


Another part of Native American parenting that I found interesting was their view on discipline.

From page 10-11:

“ Seventeenth and eighteenth-century Europeans explained the absence of corporal punishment from the Native American practice as a consequence of the fear that a child so humiliated would commit suicide or, recalling the act in adulthood would seek revenge on his or her parents. Contemporary historians have found other motives. George Pattitt cited as the “ chief inhibition... the fact that pain per se cannot be used as a fear -producing, coercive force in a social milieu which placed a premium upon ability to stand pain and suffering without flinching.” Furthermore, he suggests that children must feel protected from punishment by their families, that children are specially linked to the spiritual world and as such receive kindness and respect, and that the patience and stoicism fostered by life in the cradleboard makes an Indian child “amenable to an early training, so strongly marked by indulgence.”

It was thought that Native American parents preferred to lead by example and feared inciting rebellion in their children with actions of overt oppression on their part. It’s debatable wether there was rebellion or there should have been, but one attribute I see in Native American family life that I think could significantly contribute to strengthening family ties and decreasing rebellion is respect from parent to children. This is a trait almost completely lacking in modern society. Who knows what the affect of widespread implementation would be. Modern children are relegated from birth to a world notably different and secondary to the world of adults. They are put into classes and spoken down to by teachers with little time to think or play. It seems that Native American children interacted with a variety of generations of children and at an early age were contributing in a real, albeit age appropriate way to the family. This gave them purpose and a feeling of being connected and valuable to their family. Very often modern children feel either like an inconvenience to their families or entitled to the services their families provide them. They are forced to behave according to myriad standards they may not see an immediate purpose for or constrained in houses they are not free in because of adult areas and furnishings. I don't suggest living in tents and forcing young girls to collect sticks and boys to kill animals. What I do suggest is to the extent we can, allow children to participate in a real way in our households by doing age appropriate chores.

As Native American children grew there were definitely fewer options of where their lives would lead than our children have today. These options were largely limited by sex and ritual often accompanied milestones for men and women. These are things I have no desire for our society to return to. But as far as the treatment of the young, I think we can take a few lessons from them. Respect children’s questions and ask important ones to them in return. Allow unscheduled time for them to discover who they are and what they like. Our world provides so many more opportunities than the native American world, that knowing themselves at a young age will help immensely to get them started toward a life they will love before distractions set in. School and sports represent only a small portion of what real life has to offer and it is an injustice that children are raised with such a narrow perspective on life.