Some thoughts on Spirituality

I understand completely that some people are wired for spirituality while others are not as much. This has nothing to do with church attendance. Those who don't have many, or any peak experiences spiritually can be just as attached to the church in the logical and legalistic sense as others are in the emotional sense. I have the "God gene", while my husband does not. I lift my hands during praise choruses and float away to a world of real feeling entirely apart from the present. He forces himself to mouth the words, then later will carry on a lively debate over some nuance of spiritual knowledge.

I remember one strong instance as a child. I was in our dim bathroom at night, staring at my shadowed reflection over the dull glow of a nightlight. I was saying in my head"I could have been a dog. I could have been a tree. I could have been a fly" I was stirring amazement that God had determined I would be one of the most complex creatures on the planet. I intensely concentrated on these thoughts when, Boom! I came to a place of utter astonishment: a feeling of such awe I can't describe. The moment was so intense that I can't even fully remember it. I just know it was amazing. Other times I tried to repeat this scenario with only limited success in reaching a similar outcome.

To this day, mostly when I am in nature, alone and quiet, I can commune with the spiritual in a way that almost stops time. I sense I can reach thought the living, non-thinking Earth into the unknown life of space, of God. These moments are very real. They seem more important than life. When I have been able to stay in these moments my thinking has been clearer than in regular life. Things fell into place. I gained confidence, peace, I learned valuable truths. This is quite a responsibility for me. An insanity most people won't understand. It's significance is mysterious even to me. But it is part of my experience and has vastly affected who I have become, and the path I have followed. Where to follow this sense I have now, and what exactly this God is I'm following is overwhelming to consider.

Beach Pictures

Nina had her 4th (5 year old) birthday party with a rocket ship cake and her aunts and uncles gathered around.

Uncle Seth is on the right

Below right is Nina opening a couple present for her party

Arin and cousin Heidi

Todd put these pictures together for me and snuck in one of me. Oh well

All of the kids helped to bury uncle Dustin

Nina playing in St. Augustine on the way back.

This is all of the kids eating lunch on the anchored boat we rented

Evan helped Daddy drive the boat.

Beach Pictures

And for now there are five

I apologize for the long break between posts. The interruption started early in September when I got a call asking if we would be interested in the possible foster placement of two girls, 1 and 2. I went to a meeting later in the week to see if they would be coming into care, and after a long day in a stuffy board room, I brought the girls home.

Getting used to the girls has been an adjustment, but getting used to the system that brought them to us has been interesting as well. I am realizing that "the system" runs on a somewhat different set of values than I do. Some of this is out of necessity, some convenience and some habit. I try to keep in mind the greater good. That beyond the importance of matching socks and proper snack food in the diaper bag we are allowed the opportunity to help these girls at an important time in their lives.

It is a fascinating and rewarding, if exhausting at times, experience. I care very much for the girls we have in our home, and I very dearly want the best for them and their birth family, whatever that may mean.