Artsplosure

Last Saturday (May 21), we had the awesome opportunity to go with Daddy to Artsplosure. The kids had a great time making butterflies, necklaces, and other things. On the way over we traipsed through the outdoor activities for Astronomy days at the Natural Science museum, a re-enactment for the anniversary of the secession in North Carolina, and a tour of the capital building. All of that and the kids didn't even get tired of walking.

We have moved into a new phase in our family. Our application has just been accepted by Dillon International to adopt through their new pilot program in Ghana, West Africa. I for one feel like I am going home. I understand international adoption. There are so many aspects of it that resonate with me. The quality of private organizations is one of them. I respect the contribution we can make to a child of another culture, and I appreciate how celebrating another culture enhances our family. As to be expected in international adoption it will be a long, expensive, and paper heavy process, and we are bracing ourselves for all of it. But we have been there before and we made it through, with great success. We will actually be working with the same social worker we worked with to adopt Arin. She remembers us, and is excited to work with us, too. Wow, such a night and day difference from what we dealt with over the last two years.

I will keep you posted on our slow steady progress and I look forward to introducing you to our new children or child two or three years from now.

In the meantime. I am passing on the opportunity for you to contribute to our adoption if you choose. We would welcome positive thoughts or more concrete things like money. If you drink coffee I have started a store at www.justlovecoffee.com/spieringfamily. Anything you buy from this store will contribute to our adoption. All of the coffee is fair trade and some of it is organic. They also offer decaf and espresso, so please take a look, or pass the web address along to anyone you know who may enjoy some fresh coffee.

The North Wind and the Sun

Our foster care journey is over, and I am still processing everything we experienced during the process. One of the lessons that I would like to embed in the minds of many people we worked with during this process is expressed very well in the parable of the North Wind and the sun. I saw so many people blustering their desires, when a calm, sunny approach would have gotten the job done. It is such a simple lesson that it just boggled my mind that many of the people we were working with did not know it, and seemed completely unable to comprehend it. My hope is that others will listen, learn , and make the world a more peaceful, friendly place because of it.

This is the story

Cinnamon rolls

Yeast and I don't often get along. That, or I somehow always get the yeast that underachieves. Early in our marriage I discovered I didn't have the touch. When I saw how much time I had to invest at something that didn't give me much satisfaction or anything edible in return I decided to turn to other pursuits, like trying to get to all the toilets before they were grodey.

So you may understand that it was no small endeavor when I decided to take on a cinnamon roll recipe that included my nemesis, yeast. The way Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond described her Cinnamon Rolls I felt all warm and and comfortable, like a person in a blanket sleeper with a blanket and a good book in front of a fire with a light snow outside and, well you get the idea: basically the ultimate in warm fuzzy contentment. I wanted that, and I was willing to risk an encounter with yeast to get it. So on Arin's birthday, Nina helped me as we mixed up the dough. I checked every few minutes to see if it was rising. It was. I was afraid it wouldn't stop and would engulf the kitchen like a dough monster. What was supposed to make 16 servings(I doubled the original recipe), ended up making ten pans of 6-8 cinnamon rolls each. Needless to say we are well supplied with them for the rest of the year. They do taste really good! They are so sweet, in fact, that I start getting a sugar overdose about halfway through one. We did it! Thanks, Ree! And for those who want to bring all the warm fuzziness home, as well as a good coating of flour all over the floor (Wow, that was a mess) here is the link. Tell Ree I sent you. (She is a pretend friend of mine in my own mind since I read her book)

My Forever Kids

We are nearing the end of our foster care journey and as I say goodbye to our foster girls I am reminded of my forever kids and how much I love them. Here they are during a normal school day.

Here we have the older generation educating the younger.

Nina and Evan decided to build a marble mess, um track, in the boys room.

Arin is getting excited during some video game time playing Super Hero Squad Online. Really, though, what is there not to get excited about in this game, if you're Arin. I mean where else can you watch Ms. Marvel eat a pizza in one bite. Amazing.

And, of course, my baby doll Cory Scott, silly and stoic.

March for Midwives

On March 2, Todd, Cory and I went to the state capital building here in Raleigh to participate in a walk in favor of licensing midwives. We were so grateful that we had the option to have Cory at home. Unfortunately, now our midwife doesn't even want to sign any documents for us out of fear that she may get into legal trouble. While it is legal to be a midwife in North Carolina and legal for me to have my baby at home, it is illegal for a midwife to attend my home birth. Both sides of the home birth debate feel that theirs is the one that is the safest and most healthy. As with most debates there is very little hope in deterring either side from their opinions. I know that from where I stand home birth worked for us. Similar to hospital birth, it is very important to have a competent professional with you who knows what they are doing. I believe our midwife was an excellent example of the kind of midwife that can get a woman through a birth successfully. I think it is a shame that she is afraid of legal action simply for doing what she does so well for women who know what they are getting into and want what she offers. These are not back alley abortions we are talking about. They are beautiful births in a calm environment accompanied by a professional with training and equipment, but most importantly, compassion and understanding. I love my midwife for allowing me to have control of my birth, and I will do whatever I need to in her support to allow other women the option I had. Thanks, nameless midwife!

Native American Childhood

Many months ago I read a fascinating book called American Childhoods by Joseph E. Illick. He looked at childhood from a variety of walks of American historical life. The book prompted me to think about many aspects of childrearing and I want to share some of my thoughts, beginning with thoughts on the first chapter about Native American Childhood.

Quote from explorer Charlevoix, page 9: “The children of the Indians after leaving off the use of the cradle, are under no sort of confinement, and as soon as they are able to crawl about on hands and feet are suffered to go stark naked where-ever they have a mind, through woods, water, mire and snow; which gives them strength and agility, and fortifies them against the injuries of the air and weather...In the summer time they run the moment they get up to the next river or lake, where they remain a great part of the day playing.”

One of the aspects of Native American childrearing that most impressed me was the period after age three when they were weaned and let loose in the world. I can’t imagine, in my busy suburban neighborhood allowing my three or five year old to wander freely, naked in all weather. For one thing the traffic would surely do him in , But beside that the expectation of society would result in my child being taken from me.
When I think of open country with space to roam and a lack of monstrous vehicles driven by careless people I can imagine the joy and education of children romping to the nearby lake. The Indians understood that children’s work was play and they consented not to hinder it.
The lack of clothing in cold or heat is also fascinating to me. Their aim was to toughen up their children and some have theorized this attitude led to an active healthy lifestyle even into old age. I think of the pains we American suburban parents go to to ease our children's discomfort in cold and hot weather. “Wear your mittens, and jacket” or “Don’t be out in the sun too much” we might say. Understandably some of these activities like drinking lots of water in sunshine and sunscreen are common sense reactions to advances in health care and science. But another thing science has taught us is that cold weather does not cause illness. Maybe our children should be allowed to go without a hat if they wish or wear shorts when it’s 50 degrees. It seems to me very likely the greatest injury that may occur is the odd glances that others in society would give us because of the widespread norm that children should be kept from our version of discomfort even when they insist on it.
It seems the Native American childrearing response stemmed from a knowledge of the demands of their environment rather than layers of superficial expectation as we are constrained by today.


Another part of Native American parenting that I found interesting was their view on discipline.

From page 10-11:

“ Seventeenth and eighteenth-century Europeans explained the absence of corporal punishment from the Native American practice as a consequence of the fear that a child so humiliated would commit suicide or, recalling the act in adulthood would seek revenge on his or her parents. Contemporary historians have found other motives. George Pattitt cited as the “ chief inhibition... the fact that pain per se cannot be used as a fear -producing, coercive force in a social milieu which placed a premium upon ability to stand pain and suffering without flinching.” Furthermore, he suggests that children must feel protected from punishment by their families, that children are specially linked to the spiritual world and as such receive kindness and respect, and that the patience and stoicism fostered by life in the cradleboard makes an Indian child “amenable to an early training, so strongly marked by indulgence.”

It was thought that Native American parents preferred to lead by example and feared inciting rebellion in their children with actions of overt oppression on their part. It’s debatable wether there was rebellion or there should have been, but one attribute I see in Native American family life that I think could significantly contribute to strengthening family ties and decreasing rebellion is respect from parent to children. This is a trait almost completely lacking in modern society. Who knows what the affect of widespread implementation would be. Modern children are relegated from birth to a world notably different and secondary to the world of adults. They are put into classes and spoken down to by teachers with little time to think or play. It seems that Native American children interacted with a variety of generations of children and at an early age were contributing in a real, albeit age appropriate way to the family. This gave them purpose and a feeling of being connected and valuable to their family. Very often modern children feel either like an inconvenience to their families or entitled to the services their families provide them. They are forced to behave according to myriad standards they may not see an immediate purpose for or constrained in houses they are not free in because of adult areas and furnishings. I don't suggest living in tents and forcing young girls to collect sticks and boys to kill animals. What I do suggest is to the extent we can, allow children to participate in a real way in our households by doing age appropriate chores.

As Native American children grew there were definitely fewer options of where their lives would lead than our children have today. These options were largely limited by sex and ritual often accompanied milestones for men and women. These are things I have no desire for our society to return to. But as far as the treatment of the young, I think we can take a few lessons from them. Respect children’s questions and ask important ones to them in return. Allow unscheduled time for them to discover who they are and what they like. Our world provides so many more opportunities than the native American world, that knowing themselves at a young age will help immensely to get them started toward a life they will love before distractions set in. School and sports represent only a small portion of what real life has to offer and it is an injustice that children are raised with such a narrow perspective on life.