Desert Rose

Lots of people feel alone as teenagers. They are misunderstood by their parents, and have trouble fitting in at school. I felt alone, too. The primary culprits in my situation were introverted parents and religion. If you know me you know what a nerd I am about certain things, and it has always been this way. Back when I was a teen, I wasn't into drugs, smoking, drinking, sex. I had personal daily devotions. My biggest critique of the other Christians around me was that they did not live their beliefs. Not even my parents were as diligent with their quiet times as I was. My parents wanted me to hang out with Christian friends, because we shared belief in God. I wanted to hang out with my secular friends because we shared similar morals. My Christian friends were drinking and partying (not that my parents knew this), whereas my secular friends were either not doing those activities, or were perfectly open to my not doing them. I know that I had a good life, then. I had my own room, I had food, I wasn't mistreated. I was a good girl, and even the "rebellious" things I did were really laughable. I asked questions, I "ran away" once, but since I didn't have friends to hang with, and I didn't feel like sleeping in a field in the cold, I didn't last more than a few hours. I snuck out to a pg-13 movie and a battle of the bands. What a trouble maker. My parents didn't understand that I was a good girl, and, partially because of my actions, and partially because I was a girl in a family with an archaic gender value system, I was the black sheep. So this song became my theme. I would blast it in my room, and sing and dance to it. It moved me. I knew God would one day reward me. My time would come when I would have friends, love, and a full satisfying life that would make a difference. I have that life now, though it doesn't look like I would have imagined it then. God has rewarded me, though my concept of who or what that is has evolved a great deal. I thank God daily for what I have, because I feel a deep need to express gratitude somehow. This song is still special to me because I remember the time when I felt God was the only one who really knew me. I don't know what I would have done at that time without my idea of who that was then.