A Day at The Track

A few weekends ago, on a gorgeous Sunday we finally made it the dirtbike track again. Todd had us ready with four working dirtbikes. That was quite a feat in itself. Mine had been suffering a perpetual flat tire a while back. Todd's bike badly needed some serious "tweaking" (my official mechanical word for whatever they did to tune it up), and training wheels on the smallest bike so both Nina and Arin could ride, if they wanted to. Evan hopped on his bike when we got there and pulled his usual shift, riding every moment we were at the track, and then just conking out in the car the minute he stopped riding. Nina ran a couple of laps around the nice flat parking lot since we were able to beat the rush for a few hours. We encouraged her to try the new flat track and she refused, about ready to quit for the day. In the meantime, Arin got his turn. He is not afraid of much, so he dove right into the flat track. I ran (he told me I was a good runner, what a sweetie) with him and gave him some tips his first time around. After that it was smooth sailing for him. While he was riding Todd and I were encouraging Nina to give it another shot. The spill she had when she first got on the bike over a year ago was still haunting her. I told her the story of my first spill, and how I got back up and tried again (making me the accomplished rider I am today ;) ) She was not convinced. Arin moved over to the mini-track, which has hills and turns that are fun, and great for kids who have ridden a little before, rookie teens and beginning adults who are not too proud to join the kids. Finally, Nina got back on the bike, after that the rest is history. She got going, and we just about had to pry her hands off the handlebars to give Arin a turn. She was the last to quit for the day (about one second after Evan).

I got on the track very soon after we got there, as well. I hate traffic. It was my biggest concern going on a beautiful day like that day. It is not that the other guys on the track are rude, or mean to me. They all have been very polite in the half a second they are in my presence as they whiz by me. It is just that I don't always know where to be. I very much don't want to impede them, and I don't want to have to adjust my run. It is all I can do to concentrate on getting where I think I have the best chance of not biting the dust. My worry was in vain on this day, however. I had the track to myself at the beginning, and I needed it. It had been a year and a half since I had been on that bike. I had a baby in the meantime. It came back to me, though, and lucky for me, there was no mud (I hate mud, too!) and the track was in great shape. I had fun. Riding the bike does not really coincide nicely with the neural pathways I have formed up to this point, but I swear I am formulating some new ones. Now the way my brain sees riding the bike looks nothing like bike riding in the brain of someone who takes to this naturally, and does well at it. My brain sees it more as a what-the-heck-is-she-doing-and-how-do-I-survive-this-wierd-circumstance pathway. But it is exciting to ride when I do it right, and satisfying when I plunk the bike down after catching some air, which I actually do on occasion. Todd laughs at me, and he makes no comment, but he does answer my questions when I have them, and takes care of my bike when I don't know what's wrong. I think this is perfect behavior from a man in this case.

Speaking of my man. He got his turn, and he tackled the big track, humbly commenting on the other guys that jump higher than he does. Oh, stop already. He was finally happy with the performance of his bike, which is probably the first time in years my perfectionist guy has had a satisfying experience on a bike he owns. He said he enjoyed himself more than he had in a long time, which is no small feat for a guy as intense as he is.

So, in short, it was a perfectly awesome day at the track.

Brave New World

Wow, I just finished "Brave New World," and I found it really fascinating. I realize, however, that I would not have been nearly as intrigued by it a decade ago as I am now. I have a much broader understanding of human nature, and a decidedly less dogmatic view of morality as I did then. The idea of "everyone belongs to everyone else,"may have been such a distraction to me then that I may not have been able to think about the greater point. I think one of my favorite characters is Mustapha Mond. He is not a main character, but he represents an interesting worldview. I suppose to a certain extent he may represent my worldview. From my reading of reviews of the book, the appropriate response of the public who reads it is to be disgusted at the lack of freedom society has in the book. I don't necessarily feel this way. I think that most people alive now would respond well to a society that conditioned them to be happy in their station in life. They would really enjoy having attainable goals, and parting with the relationship drama that plagues so many lives these days. If a society like the one portrayed in the book could be attained, I think the majority would be willing and happy cogs on the gears in the mechanism of life. I would really like to know the exact truth of what happens on the "islands" free thinkers are sent to, however. If they are truly islands where people with dangerous ideas are allowed to experiment with them outside of the framework of regular society, then I think that is a possible acceptable way to preserve both free thought, and drone society. If the "islands" are code for some sort of extermination, or permanent drugged state, then I suppose I would not prefer that system as much.

I think it is interesting that when reading this book the majority of people will consider themselves an alpha, or possibly and alpha plus plus in this society, and others, never themselves would have to be deltas and epsilons. The truth is, most people who read this book are not alphas, they just don't realize it. Wouldn't there be some usefulness to giving those people peace with their station in life. It is true that there are some jobs that no one prefers to do. Who does these now? Underpaid people who often have very sad, very hard lives. If people were bred for these jobs, and their lives were pre-programmed with plenty of food, recreation, sex, and no-side-effect drugs when they needed a break from life, might that not be an improvement? Of course then there is the downside of life for people like Mustapha Mond, who must sacrifice his own intellect, and scientific advancement for the whole of society to preserve the illusion for the majority.

What would it mean to society if the only people who truly suffered were those whose intellect allowed them to comprehend more than the life they experienced. People like Mustapha Mond, Helmholtz Watson, and Bernard Marx. And even though they suffered, it was an intellectual, and not physical suffering, experienced by those who had the mental capacity, not only to empathize with others, but to suppress their own desires consciously for the greater good. In some sense, I believe people who have greater life comprehension do that now in order to function in society, so this would not be a very big sacrifice. If you were allowed to have your own ideas as long as you did not spread them, that may not be so big a sacrifice.

The savage is a wonderful character as well, and years ago I would have identified with him to a greater degree. He presents a beautiful confusion, that is able to show interesting sides of the different people he interacts with. I don't particularly find value in the simple life for it's own sake, so I don't feel particularly sorry for him. I also see him as a combination of all the guilt and pain brought on by the responsibility we have felt toward organized religion, and other philosophies that were more prevalent in past times. I am not nostalgic for olden times because there seems to have been some kind of beautiful magic in them that we can no longer access. I believe old ideas are interesting, but unlike the savage, I don't hold that they are all true and valuable. I don't believe in unnecessarily harming yourself because of guilt brought on be putting inappropriate importance on texts that likely had very different original meanings than we ascribe to them. I think of them as a view into other thought processes. It is nice to honor ancestors, but I believe it is wrong to keep society from exploring it's potential, imprisoning it to voices from the past that we do not fully understand. I do find it interesting that old ideas are so taboo to the stabilization of society. It is also fascinating that even though their society is portrayed as modern it is not allowed to advance for fear that change would bring destabilization.

Where I would fit in this society I don't know. I value my right to explore unconventional thinking and archaic ideas alike. If I had the option to do this exploration in my private life, on my own time, but would still be required to exist in a superficial society during the work day, I would very likely take that deal. I do love being a mother, but I also understand that if a society could manage to create healthy individuals without the family unit, there would be certain advantages to that. If I could understand the inner workings of the system, even if I couldn't change them, I would not necessarily charge for revolution. Maybe a happy medium. Maybe, if need be, and if the islands were really islands where people of free thought could do what they wished, I would join them. Maybe it would be like an artists colony where wise people could pool their thoughts and leave them for future generations.

In the end, I know this entire world is just another theory: a utopia, or dystopia, as it is labeled, to add to the museum of ideas that could never really work in the near future, anyway, because human nature has such a desire to fight against it's own best interests. While I am not anywhere near ready to give up being viviparous, there are some things I would be willing to hide if it meant that the poorest among us could have happy lives with little hardship.

While this society may or may not work in reality, I believe it is arrogant of Americans, and first world countries in general to think there is no other better organization of society than what we have now. Maybe now, in our time we are at the pinnacle, but in the future, we may find that the individual freedom we value so much now, is not helpful for the furtherance of humanity as a whole. We may find that if our purpose isn't defined by things like meaning, and oneness with the universe or self-actualization, that a more unified goal may emerge that is better for everyone. Maybe we will decide that peace and a sort of deluded happiness for all is worth the price. I honestly can't imagine it, but it is worth considering.






I just watched a few clips from the 1998 movie that was made from the book. (I hear there may be a new movie of the book coming out in December of this year). I found them to be superficial. It seems to me that if you obsess about the promiscuity, and indoctrination of the population you are missing some very key points. If you think about it all children are indoctrinated to some extent, and most grow up to be approximately as deep as most of the population in Brave New World. As far as promiscuity, the type that is portrayed in the book is not the type that we are familiar with. Promiscuity in present society is deviant to monogamy, whereas promiscuity in Brave New World basically is monogamy. They have put great planning into making it basically as safe as monogamy and, in Brave New World, monogamy is deviant. The promiscuity in Brave New World, was really the equivalent of monogamy today and therefore, not nearly as exciting to those who participated in it as quality monogamy is to us. Get over it people. That is why I think the movie is going to get bogged down in things that are really beside the point. The sexuality thing was just a symptom of the real solution that society had found, which was really fascinating.

You may also be interested in getting a flavor for the times Aldous Huxley lived in by viewing this interview of him.

Nina and Cory

This is my photo tribute to my most recent birthday kids. Nina, my glamor girl rock star who has expressed a recent preference for pink skulls with bows on their craniums, has joined the ranks of the 7 year olds in our house as of September 29. She and Arin will both be 7 for the next six months, though they are each a very different 7. Nina is 7 going on 17 whereas Arin is just, well, his normal sweet sensitive self.


Cory on the other hand is now 1. He turned one on October 1, and we celebrated by taking him to a Walk to support Midwives. He said hi to the Midwife who delivered him at home a year ago that day. Then we went camping in the evening. What a birthday! Interestingly Grandma and Grandpa presented him with an adorable doggy cake at our family celebration, which he found disgusting. Cory grimaced at the sugar and then scarfed a raspberry, causing Todd to immediately call into question Cory's true parentage. Obviously Cory is lacking any DNA from Todd. Cory is destined to be the epitome of the baby of the family. Mom, Dad, and everyone else in the family at this point tend to think he is the cutest, happiest thing ever. Cory is actually hard at work extending Dad's life. I don't think I have ever seen Todd smile so much as he does when he is around Cory.

The 10 Year Marriage

On July 28 of this year Todd and I had officially been married 10 years. As far as I know we are both still pretty happy with our arrangement. We are appropriately addicted to each other and habituated to each others idiosyncrasies, or so a happy marriage would be described scientifically. Ok, I admit it. Todd is just hot and that is all there is to it. Of course Todd understands that the only way I find a guy to be hot is if he is handsome, loves my kids, rides a motorcycle, and can stimulate intellectually challenging conversation with me. Ooo Baby, lets compare utopian philosophies.
A while back I posted the pros and cons of a theoretical universal 7 year marriage. Where society as a whole agrees to serial monogamy as the norm. (Technically we are almost there now). I was doing my best to be open minded and to explore a philosophy objectively. In honor of my ten year marriage run I would like to pronounce my official stance on the 7 year marriage concept. BULLSHIT!
In my experience things like divorce, serial monogamy, open relationships and the like have one thing in common: egocentricity. There is a strain of "I have needs and they are not being met, therefore I need something new or different" (me, me, me). Marriage is work, but then all human nature is based on rewarding striving with a goal accomplished and the appropriately released brain chemicals. If you avoid the striving you give up the reward, which leads to depression, and other mental imbalance. All of the above are an attempt to avoid digging deep into making something work by giving of yourself. Research is showing that one excellent way to combat depression is to volunteer, or sacrifice your time to help others. I have found this to be true in my own experience. I have also found that when I was in the throughs of depression, being grateful, or giving of myself was like dragging along cement overshoes. In an embarrassing way there was something comforting about the self-pity that accompanied my depression. Similarly there is comfort in thinking of your own needs, especially in a society that is so hung up on women keeping their own identity and men not becoming the slave of their women. This is why it is important to choose a person who respects you and your ideas, but also challenges you to change. Loving you for who you are is over-rated in my opinion. One of the things I loved about Todd is he encouraged me to grow and change. One of the ideas behind the 7 year marriage is that after seven years the two of you have grown into different people, and therefore are no longer compatible. Todd and I have shaped each other into better people. Thanks to him I am more organized and methodical, ( though I clearly have room for improvement), and thanks to me Todd is learning to relax and be grateful for what he has. (which is going to add years to his life, I tell ya) We had opposite strengths and we are balancing each other out.
Disposable relationships encourage carelessness which can lead to the basic risks all teens are warned of as well as emotional ambivalence. Once you start down this path it is difficult to believe how rewarding true love can be, become vulnerable enough to accept or give true love and therefore experience the rewards, or care about anyone else, the world, or yourself. This is why learning to be vulnerable in love is not just done in a vacuum. Living for another person grows character, character leads to a person being a better individual, and this mature, giving individual is good for society.
One of the most important effects of transient relationships is the affect they will have on the children that come out of them.
People continue to de-value children in society. They are regularly being used merely as the definition of ultimate injustice when one is killed or hurt in the news or movies, but other than that they are primarily the brats we grown ups are stuck with on a daily basis. We sort of love them as a reaction to naturally flooding hormones, but other than that we are not sure what to do with them. We all know how our childhood defined who we are now. Studies are fairly clear at this point that the most positive environment for children to be raised in is one with the same two stable parents. With every variation to this norm the risk of them not doing well in life increases. This means that for every parent that chooses not to take their relationships seriously there could potentially be another dysfunctional adult put into society in the next generation. It takes time, and yes, patience to deal with children. Unfortunately patience is more commonly seen as an Amish value: very useful when we all had to milk our own cows, but not so relevant now. Obviously I am of the school that believes kids are not stupid. I believe your future kids should be in the back of your mind in every relationship you have. My preference is that beginning in high school you don't date others, but yourself. Spend time journaling, and get to know yourself. You cannot know what you want until you know who you are, and I believe dating in high school is a waste of time. Be friends with a variety of people, but most marriages that occur directly following high school do not have good success rates so spend the time investing in what will really help you find your soul mate. Know thyself, then when you are over 21, and have been on your own. Look for a friend in a meet-up group who has similar passions, be friends for 9 months, date for two and a half years, get engaged over a sweet poem in a rented mustang convertible at the Grand Canyon, get married six months later, after sanitizing a friends barn for the reception. Move immediately away from all friends and family and start a new life in a new state. Start having kids only when you are ready and then determine to invest in them. Face challenges by supporting each other, not by blaming (Some of us are still working on that one). Commit to checking to see if your partner is ok after you throw them out the window in frustration. Seriously, though, everyone has their days. What Todd and I have done is constantly analyze to see if we could figure out the why of our actions. Not just dwell on the superficial. Realizing the true emotion behind the action helps breed compassion. Interestingly, neither Todd or I have blinders on. We each have had our days of wondering how our lives would have worked out if we had married someone else. Both of us agree that we have met almost no-one who would suit us better. Yes, as I have said, we are comfortable with the life we have habituated ourselves to, but being the rationals we are, the pros of any other person we know don't come close enough to give us regrets. We have it good. We are very thankful for that. It has been an excellent, challenging 10 years. I am looking forward to the next 10.