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Waiting For Superman

My Journal

2/15/14


Today I don't want to be introspective. I want to just be superficial, which is kind of different for me, not in an arrogant way, just in a factual way. I thought it was interesting when I read an article about a guy who decided to follow Ben Franklin's schedule for a day. Ben left time for study and to deal with spiritual things. The author said he almost never did that, and it was an interesting thing for him to do. Thinking about big things like God and purpose and why we are here and doing research into those questions is something I grew up doing and something I do all the time. How can you not wonder about that? How can you just go through life and just go to work, come home, be with your someone, party sometimes and that is it. That is satisfying? Really? Don't you wonder about things as a whole? Don't you wonder why we are here or how, or do you just take science's or God's word for it and leave it at that. I guess in a way you could have more of your emotional energy available to fritter away on personal drama. That might be interesting. I know it is kind of a weight on me to wonder about my, and our purpose, to wonder what or who else is out there, and it is a huge itch I am just dying to scratch to see everything as it really is. I used to think I would just go to heaven and God would explain it all to me and I could live with that. Now I am not so sure I will ever know, and ugh, that is annoying.

But to live without that burden, to me is to live in a closet. To live in the small world of what I see now. I just need to get out into the air and breath and wonder, and make wild guesses and hope. So with that comes the burden of what I don't know, of making choices and just not knowing if they are the right ones because I can't have all the information. I can't see past death or into the new millennium, so I have to make some of my best guesses blind.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

A Day at The Track


A few weekends ago, on a gorgeous Sunday we finally made it the dirtbike track again. Todd had us ready with four working dirtbikes. That was quite a feat in itself. Mine had been suffering a perpetual flat tire a while back. Todd's bike badly needed some serious "tweaking" (my official mechanical word for whatever they did to tune it up), and training wheels on the smallest bike so both Nina and Arin could ride, if they wanted to. Evan hopped on his bike when we got there and pulled his usual shift, riding every moment we were at the track, and then just conking out in the car the minute he stopped riding. Nina ran a couple of laps around the nice flat parking lot since we were able to beat the rush for a few hours. We encouraged her to try the new flat track and she refused, about ready to quit for the day. In the meantime, Arin got his turn. He is not afraid of much, so he dove right into the flat track. I ran (he told me I was a good runner, what a sweetie) with him and gave him some tips his first time around. After that it was smooth sailing for him. While he was riding Todd and I were encouraging Nina to give it another shot. The spill she had when she first got on the bike over a year ago was still haunting her. I told her the story of my first spill, and how I got back up and tried again (making me the accomplished rider I am today ;) ) She was not convinced. Arin moved over to the mini-track, which has hills and turns that are fun, and great for kids who have ridden a little before, rookie teens and beginning adults who are not too proud to join the kids. Finally, Nina got back on the bike, after that the rest is history. She got going, and we just about had to pry her hands off the handlebars to give Arin a turn. She was the last to quit for the day (about one second after Evan).

I got on the track very soon after we got there, as well. I hate traffic. It was my biggest concern going on a beautiful day like that day. It is not that the other guys on the track are rude, or mean to me. They all have been very polite in the half a second they are in my presence as they whiz by me. It is just that I don't always know where to be. I very much don't want to impede them, and I don't want to have to adjust my run. It is all I can do to concentrate on getting where I think I have the best chance of not biting the dust. My worry was in vain on this day, however. I had the track to myself at the beginning, and I needed it. It had been a year and a half since I had been on that bike. I had a baby in the meantime. It came back to me, though, and lucky for me, there was no mud (I hate mud, too!) and the track was in great shape. I had fun. Riding the bike does not really coincide nicely with the neural pathways I have formed up to this point, but I swear I am formulating some new ones. Now the way my brain sees riding the bike looks nothing like bike riding in the brain of someone who takes to this naturally, and does well at it. My brain sees it more as a what-the-heck-is-she-doing-and-how-do-I-survive-this-wierd-circumstance pathway. But it is exciting to ride when I do it right, and satisfying when I plunk the bike down after catching some air, which I actually do on occasion. Todd laughs at me, and he makes no comment, but he does answer my questions when I have them, and takes care of my bike when I don't know what's wrong. I think this is perfect behavior from a man in this case.

Speaking of my man. He got his turn, and he tackled the big track, humbly commenting on the other guys that jump higher than he does. Oh, stop already. He was finally happy with the performance of his bike, which is probably the first time in years my perfectionist guy has had a satisfying experience on a bike he owns. He said he enjoyed himself more than he had in a long time, which is no small feat for a guy as intense as he is.

So, in short, it was a perfectly awesome day at the track.









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