Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

A while back I finished reading this book, and I have meant to share some quotes I found particularly meaningful from the book. The book was interesting to me, some parts more than others. I liked Robert Pirsig's insight into college-level education. Some of the transitions between real life and past life were somewhat abrupt, but overall I liked it.

Pg 114: He felt that institutions such as schools, churches, governments, and political organizations of every sort all tended to direct thought for ends other than truth, for the perpetuation of their own functions, and for the control of individuals in the service of these institutions.

Pg 146: You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. They know it's going to rise tomorrow. When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt.

Pg 187: Schools teach you to imitate. If you don't imitate what the teacher wants you get a bad grade. Here, in college, it was more sophisticated. Of course, you were supposed to imitate the teacher in such a way as to convince the teacher you were not imitating, but taking the essence of the instruction and going ahead with it on you own...

Pg 199: To live only for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain which sustain life, not the top. Here's where things grow. But of course without the top you can't have any sides. It's the top that defines the sides.

Pg 206: What he's looking for, what he wants, is all around him, but he doesn't want that because it is all around him. Every step's an effort, both physically and spiritually, because he imagines his goal to be external and distant.

Of course some of these quotes are controversial, but most of them make you think, whether you agree with them or not. If you find these intriguing you may want to check out the book. Keep in mind these quotes were little nuggets taken from among 418 pages of text. I did learn some about philosophy, and a bit about motorcycles, though since I have been riding on the back of my husband's for years, I had pretty good insight into that part.

Halloween pictures

The kids had a lot of opportunities to dress up this year. The first came at our local library's Halloween storytime and trick or-treat around the library. Todd took the kids and a friend and they ran into another friend or two there. The organizer of our main homeschool group put together a play for the kids to perform at a local retirement center, then again at a senior center. They got to wear their costumes, use lots of props and sing some cute songs, besides the added benefit of allowing the kids to mingle with the senior citizens at the performances. It was a great experience and the kids had alot of fun. We actually did go trick-or-treating, too. Our subdivision doesn't have much activity Halloween night so we went to Wake Forest to hang out with a friends family who has a hoppin neighborhood Halloween night. Wow, what fun we had this season. If you don't recognize the boys, Arin is Cyclops, one of the X-men with laser eyes that Todd fashioned for him from an old laser level. Evan is continuing his streak four years running of being a video game character. First was Luigi, then Mario, then Starfox, and this year he was Toad.

Some thoughts on Spirituality

I understand completely that some people are wired for spirituality while others are not as much. This has nothing to do with church attendance. Those who don't have many, or any peak experiences spiritually can be just as attached to the church in the logical and legalistic sense as others are in the emotional sense. I have the "God gene", while my husband does not. I lift my hands during praise choruses and float away to a world of real feeling entirely apart from the present. He forces himself to mouth the words, then later will carry on a lively debate over some nuance of spiritual knowledge.

I remember one strong instance as a child. I was in our dim bathroom at night, staring at my shadowed reflection over the dull glow of a nightlight. I was saying in my head"I could have been a dog. I could have been a tree. I could have been a fly" I was stirring amazement that God had determined I would be one of the most complex creatures on the planet. I intensely concentrated on these thoughts when, Boom! I came to a place of utter astonishment: a feeling of such awe I can't describe. The moment was so intense that I can't even fully remember it. I just know it was amazing. Other times I tried to repeat this scenario with only limited success in reaching a similar outcome.

To this day, mostly when I am in nature, alone and quiet, I can commune with the spiritual in a way that almost stops time. I sense I can reach thought the living, non-thinking Earth into the unknown life of space, of God. These moments are very real. They seem more important than life. When I have been able to stay in these moments my thinking has been clearer than in regular life. Things fell into place. I gained confidence, peace, I learned valuable truths. This is quite a responsibility for me. An insanity most people won't understand. It's significance is mysterious even to me. But it is part of my experience and has vastly affected who I have become, and the path I have followed. Where to follow this sense I have now, and what exactly this God is I'm following is overwhelming to consider.

Beach Pictures

Nina had her 4th (5 year old) birthday party with a rocket ship cake and her aunts and uncles gathered around.

Uncle Seth is on the right

Below right is Nina opening a couple present for her party

Arin and cousin Heidi

Todd put these pictures together for me and snuck in one of me. Oh well

All of the kids helped to bury uncle Dustin

Nina playing in St. Augustine on the way back.

This is all of the kids eating lunch on the anchored boat we rented

Evan helped Daddy drive the boat.

Beach Pictures

And for now there are five

I apologize for the long break between posts. The interruption started early in September when I got a call asking if we would be interested in the possible foster placement of two girls, 1 and 2. I went to a meeting later in the week to see if they would be coming into care, and after a long day in a stuffy board room, I brought the girls home.

Getting used to the girls has been an adjustment, but getting used to the system that brought them to us has been interesting as well. I am realizing that "the system" runs on a somewhat different set of values than I do. Some of this is out of necessity, some convenience and some habit. I try to keep in mind the greater good. That beyond the importance of matching socks and proper snack food in the diaper bag we are allowed the opportunity to help these girls at an important time in their lives.

It is a fascinating and rewarding, if exhausting at times, experience. I care very much for the girls we have in our home, and I very dearly want the best for them and their birth family, whatever that may mean.

Our adventrue into Indian culture

Obviously Arin’s ancestry does not lie in the hills of Germany, as most of the sunscreen-loving members of our family do. Arin is from Kolkata, India, and we do our best to make him proud of that. After looking at some Rupees I had laying around a number of months ago, each of which featured Mahatma Gandhi’s picture. We launched into a month long research mission into who Gandhi was and his significance to India. Even Todd and I had the chance to watch the Gandhi movie, look online, and talk to friends to learn about him ourselves (he is not exactly an important enough figure to America to be delved into in a typical education). All of this culminated in our hosting “Gandhi Day” for our homeschool group. We talked about where India was, Arin explained some significant things he did. We did a science experiment to see how salt could be extracted from water (referring to the salt march Gandhi instigated), and we clothed little Gandhi paper dolls (while talking about how Gandhi made his own clothes)

Lately we have finally made a friend in the Indian community who is happy to share her experiences growing up in India with us. Last Saturday Shubha took us to an Indian restaurant, and ordered for us, thank goodness. We are so inexperienced with Indian food. We tried a number of dishes, and only Nina left hungry. Then Shubha took us to an Indian store. We got some Indian snacks, a coconut, and looked at all the Indian goods. We walked by small statues of Ganesh and Krishna. Arin and I actually learned a lot of what we know about Ganesh by watching “Cheetah Girls, One World” in conjunction with factual bits from the internet. I saw that the movie was filmed in India so we watched it together. Arin really wanted a statue so Daddy got it for him. We also got Nina some Bindhis to wear. We had a great time talking to Shubha about differences between our cultures. She is so open with us, and we are grateful to her for her honesty, and introspection.

Chess Club

Evan is playing chess with his teacher below while he waits for other boys to finish. The game on the top ended in a draw mostly because Evan kept saying "Are you sure you want to do that?", and "I know if I do this then you are going to come get my..." whatever. He was just thinking out loud, and being nice, but we are going to have to work on Evan's poker face.




My kids have participated in typical American extra curriculars like Evan with his soccer and Nina with gymnastics, but Evan has also shown interest in chess, and he has been playing with Daddy for a couple of years. About a year ago I was flipping through our Raleigh parks and rec programming guide when I spotted a FREE chess club at one of the community centers. I called about it and Evan has been participating every other Saturday for probably close to a year now. The teacher has taken time each week to show the kids how chess works and some strategy, so now when I play Evan he uses words I don’t understand. Evan is getting much better. I actually didn’t play him for a long time after he started chess club because I knew soon the day was coming when he would beat me and I was trying to put off that day for as long as possible (hasn’t happened quite yet).

Recently the teacher began keeping track of points and ranking the chess club members in anticipation of a meet he is organizing with a local charter school. The boys get half a point for playing a grown-up, a whole point for winning, etc. Evan has been doing well and as of last week he was ranked number one. The chess club is for kids from ages 5-12 and Evan has beaten kids that were older than him, but he also has the advantage that many of the very good players have not been attending recently and the kids get half a point for attending. So the boy who came one day and beat everyone he played still would not get as many points as Evan if Evan came and played grownups consistently. At the same time if we get to the meet and Evan is ranked number one he will most likey get whupped by the number one player on the other team. The teacher is doing his best to even out the odds and bring back some of the stronger players before fall. I am glad Evan found this niche, just as I am happy that Arin found X-men, and Nina is a good helper.

Let's go out for Dinner and a Philosophy Discussion

I have begun to really look forward to going to the philosophy meetup Todd organizes. In the past year I have begun to recognize the regulars, and I feel like I belong. This meetup is one reason it is wonderful to be married to a man with slightly different interests than me. He was a natural to go converse with philosophers. He is a deep analytical thinker, who can easily connect philosophies with their originators. I talk from experience and impressions. While I have done my best to gain experiences and expose myself to a variety of thoughts repeatedly so my impressions better reflect reality, the specifics of these are for the most part lost on me. I sputter back colloquial summarizations of what profound thinkers spent their lives perfecting.

Todd tried the group once, then as fate would have things work, he landed in charge. The group attracts women and men, a few young, and many more mature. There are software designers, professors, peace corp volunteers, authors, students, and me: the mother of three. We have covered the capital punishment, death, Eastern thought, the post modern economy (I did a lot of listening during that one, and I am still not completely sure what it entails).

Our last two meetups have been presented by Will Langley. He is a (rock star) um, student from the Baptist seminary in Wake Forest. He and his wife have had dinner with us a couple of times, and he is fascinating to talk to. His wife, Jen, loves our kids and I love anyone who loves my kids, of course. His destiny is to become a (rock star), I mean professor of philosophy one day, and I would love to be in his classes. Actually I have been, while eating a burger and fries at that. His first meetup was about transhumanism, or, could machines take over the world by becoming alive? Will brought a multi-media presentation with lots of condensed facts about machines, their capabilities, what leading thinkers had to say about the possibility of their potential humanity, and a spot of goofiness. He isn’t really a musical rock star, but he wowed our group, not just with facts, but with great contemporary humor and determined objectivity. We all loved the presentation, which is why he came back on Monday to introduce us to quantum physics.

I have never known the origins of quantum physics on such a workable level. I had heard about infinite worlds, and that all possible scenarios exist, quite a fantastic theory, but I didn’t know very clearly where that came from. He brought us back to the original light wave/particle duality experiment that began the stir and took us from that point to the possibilities that could exist if there really were more to science than could meet measurement. We learned about Einstein’s discomfort with the philosophical implications, (“God does not play dice with the universe” after all) and he introduced us to a few of the many theories that try to explain such an inconsistency in science. Then we all spouted our own insight amongst ourselves. Most people don’t go to these meetups if they don’t have opinions they are more than happy to share.

I have my opinions, though on some topics I am struck by my utter unworthiness to express them. I love to put in my two cents, but I also love to steal away with the knowledge I gain from the people I meet there. For example not only did I learn about quantum physics, but I learned how a children’s book author finds an illustrator, and a little about how a professor goes about funding her research. I just get chills thinking about how I am broadening my horizons. Does that mean I’m a nerd? I guess excitement as knowledge and rock star as philosophy professor are not signs of a very hip mind.

Evan's Story

Evan took a picture and then wrote his own story on paper. I will quote it, creative spelling and all. I think it can be understood if I tell you that the cartoon Arin likes to watch is called X-men: Evolution, and the X-men live together in a "house" or mansion. It also may help to know that Mistique is not on the good side.
"Wan all the X-man-evalooshan gathrd up, all of the X-man wur pratecting the haus and thae sall a bad-grl and it was Misstek"

Arin's story

I told the kids if they wanted to take a picture and then tell me a story or write one I would post it. This is Arin's story and picture.


"All the superheroes are gathering up. The X-men are going to beat up the bad guys. They are hurting Storm's family."

Recent Dirtbike Pictures

These are from our latest trip to the track. No pics of me yet, but I did snag one of Todd and Michael making adjustments at the track. And Todd about to land a big jump. I was proud of myself for getting off the ground regularly this time. I was the Cheshire cat under my helmet every time I felt the telltale landing "clunk". We had the track to ourselves all day, and I got some great practice in. I have a long way to go for sure, but it was fun. In the afternoon my friend Meg and her two kids joined us. While they were there Nina got on the small bike for the first time by herself. She started out ok and then as she was rounding a curve on the mini-track she hit the gas instead of the brake and had a spectacular crash over a hill. She was somewhat traumatized, but only had one bruise. Todd was baffled. "I never saw Evan do that when he was first learning." I smiled at him. I did completely the same thing on the same curve when I first rode my dirtbike. Nina and I are two non-mechanical peas in a pod. We took the dirtbike over to a parking lot so that Meg's kids could practice on a level surface after that. Meg tried my bike and took to it like a pro, thanks to her previous experience growing up on 4-wheelers. That is her below with some of my gear on.

Arin, x-men, and heroes

The x-men has been a unifying force for my boys and just the spark Arin's imagination needed. X-men have made their way into a book that Evan made for Arin. A few clips are included above, but for the entire work you will have to, well, visit our house, and have us locate it somewhere in Arin's backpack under all of his action figures.
Notice Evans announcement on one page of "Naw we ar giting mared" He drew the all important wedding of Cyclops and Jean Gray. The kids are very interested in the whole marriage thing. There is even a maze for Arin to do on the last page of the book. I laminated it for posterity.

As Arin was reading to me during "school", recently, the last word he read was "kitten", which reminded me of Kitty Pryde. I told him, "You know I should go online and put those names on a writing sheet for you." ( If any of you don't know you can go to www.handwritingworksheets.com and make up your own handwriting worksheet) So I asked him which names he would like to learn to write. I printed out names like Colossus, Jean Gray and Kitty Pryde, then I warned him I wouldn't print more until he had those done, thinking he would write a name or two a day for a couple weeks or so. He got four worksheets ( with five repetitions of each name) done within a couple hours. He was so proud of himself when he handed those sheets to Daddy that evening. He was just jumping around as Daddy pulled in, waiting for the perfect moment to present his work. I never thought the x-men would be so motivating to him. Today we did addition with his action figures. He did great!










































Which leads me to think about how superheroes affect us grownups. I tend to think maybe there is an urge in all adults to make use of our fight-or-flight mode more often than we get the opportunity in modern society. Some say our early ancestors left this imprint on our minds, and for them, danger was lurking around every corner. Maybe our bodies are flowing with latent adrenaline that will never find it's purpose outside of cave dwelling. Maybe that is why in the absence of real problems so many people waste a good portion of their time on manufactured ones. Maybe that is why, now that there are few mysteries about how people live elsewhere in the world thanks to modern media, we feel so overwhelmed by people whose cultures and problems are so different from ours. We yearn to test our courage rescuing people in need only to find we are blocked by the surprising shield of a cathode ray tube. Some of us that have all this time to care and can't reach so many people we wish we could help feel uncomfortably helpless. That is when superheroes come in and rescue us from that position. For an hour-and-a-half in the dark I can submerge myself in a world where a person or a crew of persons has the wisdom to say all the brilliant things in appropriate situations. This person has access to the right people and gadgets to take control of chaos and change things for good on a grand scale. In modern movies we even get to explore the complex workings of the minds of heroes, and speak blasphemies against their perfection, while still being stirred by their awesome deeds.

After that hour-and-a-half of excitement my need to use my survival adrenaline has been sated. As I find my way to the line at the bathroom and then the exit I may realize that none of these people I am surrounded by are Iron Man, or Bat Man, or Storm. Maybe, just as we will never save the earth the way superheroes do there are not problems as dire as would need such heroes. There must not be evil leaders or children being hurt or anything worse than my own stress about my debt to income ratio. If there are no super humans, there must be nothing of superhuman proportions that needs to be done in the world. Because anything that evil would be completely impossible to comprehend, let alone live with. Thank goodness everything in the movies has no basis in reality.


PS. Please catch my sarcasm, and therefore the uncomfortable, yet motivating position it leaves you in.

Isn't Karting Fun?

My handsome guy, Todd(in the green), and his brother Michael look at the all-imortant printouts to see who ate who's dust, and discuss future manuveurs in between heats.









So last night was ride-all-you-can-handle night. I had a few strikes against me to begin with. I was a little nervous. I always am when it comes to karting just because as I said in the moto-X post, my brain just doesn't work naturally in mechanical racing mode. I guess the stress built up over the course of the afternoon until when I got to the karting place and smelled the gas and rubber my heart was completely racing and I just about got light headed. Todd and Michael had been coming to these testosterone fests for a few weeks now, and I had heard rumors of running 12 races in an evening, but when it came to me racing and racing and racing I never realized the consequences of that scenario. I raced 4 or 5 heats, out of pride, and then I claimed my break. Todd was so sweet. He was really concerned that I have fun. The week before he went without Michael. We were talking about getting a sitter but didn't and he said that he really wished I was there at the beginning (before the thrill of the chase began, I guess) Now I was here and I was stressed. So I sat down, drank Sprite, and read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". Within a few deep breaths and some pages about the mysterious, intelligent and insane Phaedrus, I was ready to go. I was actually putting down some decent times for me. I was usually the slowest on the track last night (except for once), but most of the time by less than a second. At one point in the evening I had actually made the "best times today" list at number 13 out of 23. Of course more and more racers came in over the evening and by the end of the night I don't know if I was even on the list, but it was satisfying, none the less. I was the only girl racer of the evening to the best of my knowledge, though there were couple of kids ( 8 and up are allowed to race) I did see at least three other women present, most wielding cameras to mark this moment of manhood for their guy. I had mine, too, which I juggled with my helmet and neck brace.

In the end I did calm down a bit, and I was happy to see Todd have fun. I was glad he wanted me there, and I was thrilled that I wasn't a huge drag on their race. Todd even sacrificed some lap time to drive in front of me and show me the best line to take. (Very sweet, considering lap time is of the utmost importance to the male ego) Next time I will know what I am getting into. I may also set a higher goal than to have one guy slower than me in a race. Been there, done that.

What I love about School

There are many things I love about teaching the kids myself. There are the programs we are in, the friends we have met, and then there are the times, like the one pictured here a few days ago, when my kids just do their own thing, and the thing they do is something I love to see them doing. Nina snuggled right up to Evan so he could read to her. Evan loves the feeling of being the big brother taking care of the younger kids. sometimes he will make up his own worksheets for them to do. Nina likes the feeling of her brother taking care of her. I know Arin is not in the picture. He is a little more independent. The kids might grumble about some of their work, but overall they are learning to learn every day all the time, even in fun ways, which is something I love.

Women, Men, and Moto-X

On the left Uncle Michael makes a jump. Todd tells me he cannot go quite as high as Michael, but I can't tell. Above, Evan is decked out with all his pads and gear and training wheels. He now rides without the training wheels. Nina is getting a feel for what it might be like to ride Mommy's bike.






I have been watching the X-Games. I love the feats, the obvious skill and creativity. I had asked Todd a couple days ago if there were any women's events( somewhere around the time we were watching Travis Pastrana be attended to by his Mommy). He didn't know, but I found them last night. I watched the women's super-X final, and saw Ashley Fiolek battle for the win with Jessica Patterson, finally sneaking in to stealing Jessica's line and squeaking to victory. Ashley competed with her peers, and beat them, even though she is deaf. I have great respect for those riders, especially since I putz around with riding myself, as do my oldest son Evan(since he was 5), my husband, and his brother. Michael is above, jumping on Todd's bike, in Todd's clothes. We don't have many pictures of Todd or me on our bikes. Todd is a bit self-conscious of his ability, though he looks like he is as good as Michael to me. And as for myself, I am completely not picture worthy on my bike. The last time we were at the track was the first time I really got airborne. Let me tell you, no one noticed but me. I am just happy that I am no longer afraid to ride on the grown-up track simultaneously with adults and 8-years-olds who know what they are doing.

I noticed at the end of the super-X race that Ashley won, one of the announcers was raving about the maneuver she pulled to get the lead . He said something like "You just can't teach moves like that. She drives almost like a ma...." I laughed. I don't disagree with him. I know some women would be all up in arms about such a comment. I don't pretend that riding dirtbikes is something that appeals equally to the sexes, or is excelled at the same way by both. Most of the time when we are at the track I am one of one, two or no other female riders. I have been there when some teen girls were riding who were definitely better than me. They had the teen fearlessness that I am trying to foster in my riding. But it is obvious there is not the same draw among women to be more than a 30 second girl. There is no discrimination at the track we frequent, so there must be some other reason for the lack of women. I have no delusions about men and women being the same. I also think that there is nothing demeaning in women excelling at different things than men, which is something society needs to catch up with me on. I don't compare in the least with the guys, young and old at the track. The mechanics of finding the best line and getting the most out of my bike turns into a mush of feelings and impressions in my head. I just don't look at things the way most men do. I am beginning to understand how things work, but in my way. I am very happy that the track doesn't freak me out the way it used to. I want to continue to learn how to go faster, and maybe make that big jump that I completely avoid now. Yeah, I am the slow girl on the track now, but you watch out, Ashley, I'm coming. Wait, no. But that was a nice fantasy there for a minute.

Evan is, of course, finding shells, as well as the critters that live in them.

Nina looks glamorous, even in between finding snails and crabs.

Arin biding the time before we kayaked back to the car

Arin, Evan and Nina

This was our most recent beach trip to Carolina Beach State Park about two and a half hours from our house. We had camped the previous night, then we took our kayak out from the marina to an isolated stretch of beach where we saw hundreds of snails, some crabs, a crane, and mussel shells.

I have never been one to journal daily regarding my kids whereabouts and activities, not that there is anything wrong with doing so. I am curious to know what is interesting enough to my family and friends for them to blog about. And most of the time it is what their kids and their gardens are doing. I find my kids interesting as well, and I owe it to them to make more of a note about what they are doing at the ages they are now. I also want to make note of the other thoughts that run through my head; those about education, religion or the lack thereof, politics, running, why Travis Pastrana can do death-defying feats on his moto-cross bike, but when he crash-lands, his Mommy is the first one on the scene. I want to tell people about my infatuation with a certain singer/comedian/pianist, who's Cd's are only available in Australia and the UK, but was the only person who could convince me to buy a canvas bag.

First, though, I would like to introduce us, and me. The first to come into my life was Todd, my husband. He's a hard-working, intelligent, handsome, complicated man. Eight years ago I loved how he cared about people, how professional he was at a young age, and his interesting, creative plans for his life, among other things. Now I still do. He is a carpenter, and knew he would be before he left high school. The economy really shook us, but he was resourceful when he needed to be. Todd did what he had to do to get us through the worst of it.

Then came Evan. He is 6, and he is Todd. Evan puts us in the weird position of basically raising Todd in an environment we control. Scary responsibility. He loves building things, and he already knows he want to be a carpenter. He's a natural leader, very gifted at math and mechanical things, but doesn't have much imagination for things that are not grounded in the real world. He doesn't like to read much either. He can organize sibling activities or bash sibling heads. We have to watch for both.

Even though Arin is 6 months older, Nina came next. She is a typical girl, but with a bug-catching brother. She loves craft projects and cute clothes, but she also loves to find worms and potato bugs with Evan. I can tell she will be my reader. She also the most social and needs to get out and go somewhere everyday, like me.

Arin is 5, and came to us in 2006 from Kolkata, India. He can be intense and obsessive, but has the most endearing smile you will ever see. He prefers interacting with adults rather than children, and until recently was more interested in packing up his toys than playing with them. That was before we discovered his interest in X-men. Often he will come to me first thing in the morning with some comment about Storm being from Africa, or a question about how Jean Gray can also be Phoenix. Now that he has the X-men, I have seen him take two action figures and make up a scenario between them: it has sparked his imagination:very exciting for us. It helps that both Todd and I are X-men fans and we each have our favorites.

I love trying to figure my kids out, and help them become well-adjusted, interesting, smart people. It is an awesome opportunity to me to be able to educate them at home. We have access to so many great resources and groups. I love to see the kids have time to just be kids, as well as play with and make good friends. I have made great friends through it as well. But my kids are only most of my life. I still run, and think, sometimes sing karaoke, and up until we became licensed foster parents I volunteered with foster care as a Guardian ad litem.

I want to explore everything here. We'll see how it goes