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Waiting For Superman

My Journal

2/15/14


Today I don't want to be introspective. I want to just be superficial, which is kind of different for me, not in an arrogant way, just in a factual way. I thought it was interesting when I read an article about a guy who decided to follow Ben Franklin's schedule for a day. Ben left time for study and to deal with spiritual things. The author said he almost never did that, and it was an interesting thing for him to do. Thinking about big things like God and purpose and why we are here and doing research into those questions is something I grew up doing and something I do all the time. How can you not wonder about that? How can you just go through life and just go to work, come home, be with your someone, party sometimes and that is it. That is satisfying? Really? Don't you wonder about things as a whole? Don't you wonder why we are here or how, or do you just take science's or God's word for it and leave it at that. I guess in a way you could have more of your emotional energy available to fritter away on personal drama. That might be interesting. I know it is kind of a weight on me to wonder about my, and our purpose, to wonder what or who else is out there, and it is a huge itch I am just dying to scratch to see everything as it really is. I used to think I would just go to heaven and God would explain it all to me and I could live with that. Now I am not so sure I will ever know, and ugh, that is annoying.

But to live without that burden, to me is to live in a closet. To live in the small world of what I see now. I just need to get out into the air and breath and wonder, and make wild guesses and hope. So with that comes the burden of what I don't know, of making choices and just not knowing if they are the right ones because I can't have all the information. I can't see past death or into the new millennium, so I have to make some of my best guesses blind.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Isn't Karting Fun?


My handsome guy, Todd(in the green), and his brother Michael look at the all-imortant printouts to see who ate who's dust, and discuss future manuveurs in between heats.









So last night was ride-all-you-can-handle night. I had a few strikes against me to begin with. I was a little nervous. I always am when it comes to karting just because as I said in the moto-X post, my brain just doesn't work naturally in mechanical racing mode. I guess the stress built up over the course of the afternoon until when I got to the karting place and smelled the gas and rubber my heart was completely racing and I just about got light headed. Todd and Michael had been coming to these testosterone fests for a few weeks now, and I had heard rumors of running 12 races in an evening, but when it came to me racing and racing and racing I never realized the consequences of that scenario. I raced 4 or 5 heats, out of pride, and then I claimed my break. Todd was so sweet. He was really concerned that I have fun. The week before he went without Michael. We were talking about getting a sitter but didn't and he said that he really wished I was there at the beginning (before the thrill of the chase began, I guess) Now I was here and I was stressed. So I sat down, drank Sprite, and read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". Within a few deep breaths and some pages about the mysterious, intelligent and insane Phaedrus, I was ready to go. I was actually putting down some decent times for me. I was usually the slowest on the track last night (except for once), but most of the time by less than a second. At one point in the evening I had actually made the "best times today" list at number 13 out of 23. Of course more and more racers came in over the evening and by the end of the night I don't know if I was even on the list, but it was satisfying, none the less. I was the only girl racer of the evening to the best of my knowledge, though there were couple of kids ( 8 and up are allowed to race) I did see at least three other women present, most wielding cameras to mark this moment of manhood for their guy. I had mine, too, which I juggled with my helmet and neck brace.

In the end I did calm down a bit, and I was happy to see Todd have fun. I was glad he wanted me there, and I was thrilled that I wasn't a huge drag on their race. Todd even sacrificed some lap time to drive in front of me and show me the best line to take. (Very sweet, considering lap time is of the utmost importance to the male ego) Next time I will know what I am getting into. I may also set a higher goal than to have one guy slower than me in a race. Been there, done that.

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